Why We're All Craving Community
And How to Find Yours
I need to talk to you about something that's been weighing heavy on my heart lately.
We're more connected than ever—Instagram, LinkedIn, hundreds of "connections." But here's what nobody's talking about: we're lonelier than we've ever been.
And I know I'm not the only one feeling this. When was the last time you felt truly seen by someone?
Living IN Community vs. IN a Community
We all live in a community. We've got neighbors, we see people at the grocery store and the coffee shop; but are we actually connecting with them?
I'll be honest—sometimes I'm just going through the motions. Self-checkout so I don't have to talk to anyone or head down at the coffee shop. Looking through people like they don't exist.
Are you doing this too?
Here's what I've learned: There's a massive difference between living IN a community and living IN COMMUNITY.
Living IN COMMUNITY means you're doing life with people where you feel known, loved, wanted, and needed. In that order.
When I Lost Everyone
Thirteen years ago, I got divorced and I lost every single friend I had. Not some of them. All of them.
Never thought that would happen to me. I was the ringleader, the gatherer. But when that happened, I isolated.
The shame was overwhelming. The judgment I placed on myself was crushing. And you know what happens when we isolate? The negative self-talk takes over. It keeps us trapped in fear, shame, and judgment. All of it broods in the darkness.
I grew up hearing "don't tell people your business." But here's the truth: If your business is your life, and people don't need to know your business, then you're basically saying people don't need to know you.
What have you been hiding because you think people don't need to know?
What Changed Everything
Real community changed everything for me. Not people who had it all figured out. People who let me show up messy. Who challenged my mindset and held space for me.
Right now, I'm in a group going through The 5F Life—faith, family, fitness, finance, and friendship. Those are the pillars of life. And when any of them get wonky (and let's be honest, at least one is always wonky), we tend to shrink back.
But here's the reality: Everyone is going through something.
Life is messy. But it can also be beautiful—when we're not navigating it alone.
Why This Matters Right Now
People are really hurting. Job losses everywhere. The holidays amplifying everything. But we're not wearing our struggles on sandwich boards.
About a month ago, I had five days where I could barely get out of bed. I isolated. Did the bare minimum for business calls.
But my community wouldn't let me disappear. The texts: "Where have you been?" The calls: "We miss you."
It was a lifesaver. Literally.
Who would notice if you disappeared for five days?
Because here's what we all need: We all want to feel known, loved, wanted, and needed. Every single one of us has that dirty little secret—"I'm not good enough."
But when we're in community and share what we're feeling, others can challenge that mindset. They can hold space for us in ways we can't do for ourselves.
A Simple Question That Changes Everything
At a networking meeting recently, people groaned at the question: "What do you do?" For people in transition, it triggers all the negative self-talk.
So I suggested: Change the question.
Instead of "What do you do?" try "What do you LOVE to do?"
Watch what happens. The person's entire demeanor shifts. They relax. Why? Because you've moved them from their head to their heart. You're connecting as human beings.
What do YOU love to do? When's the last time someone asked you that?
Be the Invitation
Here's my challenge for you.
If you're on the outskirts, if you don't feel like you have community--reach out to one person. Share what you're going through. You don't have to do this alone.
And if you have the gift of gathering--invite somebody to your table. It doesn't have to be fancy. Tell people to bring something. Play games. Have deeper conversations.
Because here's the truth: Your presence can be a gift. Not the physical presents. Your presence, your invitation, your words of love—those are priceless.
The other day, I caught myself looking through people, all up in my own junk. I stopped and said, "I'm so sorry. Let me be present."
Our presence can actually be a gift.
Who can you reach out to this week?
The cashier at the grocery store. The person making your coffee. Someone sitting alone. A friend you haven't talked to in months.
A smile. A kind word. A text. A call. An invitation. It could save someone's life—maybe even your own.
Because we're all craving community. The real kind. The messy, beautiful, show-up-as-you-are kind.
And you could be the one who helps someone find it.
If this resonated, share it with someone who needs it today.
We're more connected than ever—Instagram, LinkedIn, hundreds of "connections." But here's what nobody's talking about: we're lonelier than we've ever been.
And I know I'm not the only one feeling this. When was the last time you felt truly seen by someone?
Living IN Community vs. IN a Community
We all live in a community. We've got neighbors, we see people at the grocery store and the coffee shop; but are we actually connecting with them?
I'll be honest—sometimes I'm just going through the motions. Self-checkout so I don't have to talk to anyone or head down at the coffee shop. Looking through people like they don't exist.
Are you doing this too?
Here's what I've learned: There's a massive difference between living IN a community and living IN COMMUNITY.
Living IN COMMUNITY means you're doing life with people where you feel known, loved, wanted, and needed. In that order.
When I Lost Everyone
Thirteen years ago, I got divorced and I lost every single friend I had. Not some of them. All of them.
Never thought that would happen to me. I was the ringleader, the gatherer. But when that happened, I isolated.
The shame was overwhelming. The judgment I placed on myself was crushing. And you know what happens when we isolate? The negative self-talk takes over. It keeps us trapped in fear, shame, and judgment. All of it broods in the darkness.
I grew up hearing "don't tell people your business." But here's the truth: If your business is your life, and people don't need to know your business, then you're basically saying people don't need to know you.
What have you been hiding because you think people don't need to know?
What Changed Everything
Real community changed everything for me. Not people who had it all figured out. People who let me show up messy. Who challenged my mindset and held space for me.
Right now, I'm in a group going through The 5F Life—faith, family, fitness, finance, and friendship. Those are the pillars of life. And when any of them get wonky (and let's be honest, at least one is always wonky), we tend to shrink back.
But here's the reality: Everyone is going through something.
Life is messy. But it can also be beautiful—when we're not navigating it alone.
Why This Matters Right Now
People are really hurting. Job losses everywhere. The holidays amplifying everything. But we're not wearing our struggles on sandwich boards.
About a month ago, I had five days where I could barely get out of bed. I isolated. Did the bare minimum for business calls.
But my community wouldn't let me disappear. The texts: "Where have you been?" The calls: "We miss you."
It was a lifesaver. Literally.
Who would notice if you disappeared for five days?
Because here's what we all need: We all want to feel known, loved, wanted, and needed. Every single one of us has that dirty little secret—"I'm not good enough."
But when we're in community and share what we're feeling, others can challenge that mindset. They can hold space for us in ways we can't do for ourselves.
A Simple Question That Changes Everything
At a networking meeting recently, people groaned at the question: "What do you do?" For people in transition, it triggers all the negative self-talk.
So I suggested: Change the question.
Instead of "What do you do?" try "What do you LOVE to do?"
Watch what happens. The person's entire demeanor shifts. They relax. Why? Because you've moved them from their head to their heart. You're connecting as human beings.
What do YOU love to do? When's the last time someone asked you that?
Be the Invitation
Here's my challenge for you.
If you're on the outskirts, if you don't feel like you have community--reach out to one person. Share what you're going through. You don't have to do this alone.
And if you have the gift of gathering--invite somebody to your table. It doesn't have to be fancy. Tell people to bring something. Play games. Have deeper conversations.
Because here's the truth: Your presence can be a gift. Not the physical presents. Your presence, your invitation, your words of love—those are priceless.
The other day, I caught myself looking through people, all up in my own junk. I stopped and said, "I'm so sorry. Let me be present."
Our presence can actually be a gift.
Who can you reach out to this week?
The cashier at the grocery store. The person making your coffee. Someone sitting alone. A friend you haven't talked to in months.
A smile. A kind word. A text. A call. An invitation. It could save someone's life—maybe even your own.
Because we're all craving community. The real kind. The messy, beautiful, show-up-as-you-are kind.
And you could be the one who helps someone find it.
If this resonated, share it with someone who needs it today.
